One of my first brushes with shame and cruelty came when I was a young girl being raised by a single mother. My mother was a hardworking German who sold Avon door-to-door. She was kind, quick with a compliment and was thought highly of by all who knew her.
Then one day, on the playground at school, I was called a Nazi. Worse than that, I was told that my mother was a Nazi. I didn’t know what it meant, but understood it was bad. The slur planted seeds of shame and doubt that shook me to the core and sparked many questions in me that would take decades to fully answer.
From the unkindness of a schoolyard bully to the unkindness of an entire nation who annihilated a whole culture, I searched for answers that would help me understand both the darkest and lightest places that exist in humanity. This is especially relevant in our times. I found my calling in helping others by shining the light on their gifts, nurturing compassion and inspiring the inner warrior of kindness. The answers would raise more questions about humanity and yet the search has been inspiring. As you will read in my upcoming book, The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World.
The not so simple answer is that we are all capable of goodness and of cruelty, and we can go to great lengths for either.
So here is where I find myself now, in this time and space. I’m a clinical psychologist and researcher by profession, a mother, and a kindness warrior and agent of change by mission.
Living on mission for me means leading a resistance of change. I am here to educate you on the power of authentic and intentional kindness. We can’t oversimplify this message. We all have our stories, after all. Carrying our own version of a schoolyard bully or bearing the scars of trauma. Or the slights, rejections and disappointments. Those stinging moments in our own lives. Those things we struggle to let go of and to heal from. And yet, there is also kindness. It comes in a variety of forms. The kind gesture that changed our perspective. The helping hand that got us through a tough time. The joyful effort in serving others. The sparks of faith, hope, and love that light the way.
Eastern spirituality teaches that every life has a measure of sorrow. Sometimes it is this that awakens us. Western spiritually teaches us to love our neighbors as oneself. We are not separate but part of a common humanity. Crossing all cultures and traditions we all know one thing for sure:
We know it when we see it.
BEING KIND DOES MATTER.
In my decades of experience as a clinical psychologist and researcher, I have focused my efforts on creating and implementing counseling and coaching programs that are focused in the modalities of positive psychology, mind-body medicine, mindfulness, stress management, girl’s and women’s health, and specific skills to foster self-compassion, courage, confidence, and leadership.
And in that experience, do you know what prevailing message bubbles to the surface time and time again?
BEING KIND DOES MATTER.
But it isn’t so simple.
The truth is: It does take effort to be kind and compassionate. To nurture our better selves. What we sometimes fail to realize is that being kind carries a pay off for the individual practicing it. It elevates us. It inspires us. It nourishes us. Kindness is a happiness fix, by not only triggering the reward center in our brains but expanding our hearts. It is a mutually beneficial act. So when I say it takes effort to be kind…it is a joyful effort.
I am a dedicated kindness warrior offering the “why” and “how” of growing a kinder mind and more open heart through the power of practicing intentional loving kindness to others. Armed with respected research and a couple decades of professional experience, I make a powerful case for extraordinary living through the practice of love and empathy, and as an agent of change, I teach the simple steps for change-making kindness. You can get started by taking this quiz.
But my heart’s work and most recent focus is on cultivating kindfulness – a term that captures the intersection of mindfulness, kindness and compassion, and is inspired by contemporary research in the social sciences, interpersonal neurobiology, and positive psychology that unequivocally show the power of kindness and compassion to change ourselves from the inside out. Because,
BEING KIND DOES MATTER.
As a soccer mom of two girls who has spent countless hours on soccer fields, I was moved by a video that went viral about an under 12 years old Boys World Challenge Soccer match (Japan vs. Brazil). Upon losing this momentous match, the Japanese boys were heartbroken. Then the boys on the Brazil team did something remarkable. They stopped to comfort their Japanese opponents.
They chose compassion. A hug. A pat on the back. A hair tussle. One boy even cupped the face of another boy in a gesture so sweet it made me wonder what has been lost in our culture. The Brazilians put aside their celebratory moment to create a more powerful one of their own. They consoled their competition.
Years from now, those boys grown into men will remember one thing about that day:
BEING KIND DOES MATTER.
Be inspired by the stories I share.
Turn that inspiration into ACTION.
Make your life matter. Show others that their lives matter.
Then feel the joy. You are changing the world.
Now, just like those boys on the Brazilian soccer team, choose kindness.
***
Find my profile on Psychology Today
http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/164848
The Daring Way™ Professional Listing