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# Tara Cousineau, PhD

Clinical Psychologist, Kindness Warrior

## Posts

- [Blog](https://www.taracousineau.com/blog/)
- [The Peaceful Perfectionist on Substack](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-peaceful-perfectionist-on-substack/) - Introducing The Peaceful Perfectionist! The Peaceful Perfectionist is your newsletter dedicated to helping perfectionists and high achievers who want to: Embrace Success with Confidence, Ease, and Self-Compassion Find Peace of Mind Let Go of Self-Doubt Head over to the Substack platform to find great content and community. Join a Brave Space of Recovering Perfectionists Here’s My Hope
- [Set Intentions, Not Limits: Lessons from Demi Moore](https://www.taracousineau.com/set-intentions-not-limits-lessons-from-demi-moore/) - Do not underestimate the power of intention-setting. One summer during college, a group of friends and I decided to work on Cape Cod. It felt thrilling to skip going home and embrace adulthood. Little did we know how hard it would be to find work. We scraped together a motley assortment of jobs—serving coffee at Do not underestimate the power of intention-setting.
- [How One Veteran Teaches Other Vets to Reset Stress](https://www.taracousineau.com/how-one-veteran-teaches-other-vets-to-reset-stress/) - [An excerpt from The Kindness Cure in honor of Veteran's Day and World Kindness Day.] “When we come back from the war zone and get out of the military,” explains veteran Justin Blaze, “we immediately lose camaraderie, we lose our community, we lose our family. Nobody understands us. That’s why veterans become so isolated and Learn how this yoga helps reconnect veterans with a sense of community, providing a pathway to healing from trauma and isolation.
- [Gratitude Connects Us](https://www.taracousineau.com/gratitude-connects-us/) - It might seem obvious that a heart felt "thank you" is good to do. My mother always had us kids write thank you notes to the point of exhaustion. But now I really appreciate the practice. Because it does take some thought and effort. Pleasantly, writing a thank you note is now on of my It might seem obvious that a heart felt "thank you" is good to do.
- [Everyone is an Imposter (In Other Words, You're Not Alone)](https://www.taracousineau.com/everyone-is-an-imposter/) - Let's face it. Most of us are posers in one form or another. We learn from an early age what is acceptable or not in various situations: at home, in school, on the job, or in the gym (if you go to one). "Pretending" is a survival strategy and meets the very human need for
- [Dear Recovering Perfectionist, It's Ok.](https://www.taracousineau.com/dear-recovering-perfectionist-its-ok/) - No doubt that striving for excellence is a noble pursuit. But hidden beneath the surface of accomplishments lies a struggle that many face in silence—the cost of perfectionism. Perfectionism is a struggle that many face in silence.
- [Befriending as a Lifelong Journey: Strategies for Deep Connections](https://www.taracousineau.com/befriending-as-a-lifelong-journey-strategies-for-deep-connections/) - My daughters were about six and eight when we took a trek to upstate New York to visit their aunt. Over a hazy 4th of July weekend the countryside was peppered with red, white and blue flags, large and small. They flapped in the thick summer breeze like wildflowers along main streets and front lawns Friendship is more than just shared moments; it's about deep understanding, loyalty, and support.
- [Energy is a Living Experience](https://www.taracousineau.com/energy-is-a-living-experience/) - The wise Master Mingtong Gu shared a story about finding himself completely alone in an old hotel. Perhaps it was his expectation of seeing fellow guests that unnerved him. Although the Qigong master was hard to understand with his accent, his passion was clear in the storytelling. During his unintended isolation and walking the grounds
- [Authoring Your Life for Mental Wellbeing](https://www.taracousineau.com/authoring-your-life-for-mental-wellbeing/) - When you notice the inner critical narrative, treat it like an old familiar sidekick. You can name it: “Oh, that’s the part of me that is afraid to try something new… or feels so uncertain… or is afraid of what others might think.” When you notice your inner critical narrative, treat it like an old familiar sidekick. You can name it: “Oh, that’s the part of me that is afraid..."
- [3 Ingredients to Creating a Self-Care Ritual That Lasts](https://www.taracousineau.com/3-ingredients-to-creating-a-self-care-ritual-that-lasts/) - Clients often ask, "How do you practice self-care?" Many find it challenging to prioritize themselves. Discover how to carve out moments for self-renewal. Clients often ask, "How do you practice self-care?" Many find it challenging to prioritize themselves. Discover how to carve out moments for self-renewal.
- [Release the Emotional Charge with Tapping](https://www.taracousineau.com/release-the-emotional-charge-with-tapping/) - Emotional freedom technique, also referred to as tapping or psychological acupuncture, is a simple stress management practice. It helps to reduce the emotional charge in the mind/body of your current stress, including difficult emotions or thoughts, fears, phobias, or old stories, scripts or memories that still affect you now.
- [Lead with Love](https://www.taracousineau.com/lead-with-love/) - Compassion and competition need not be mutually exclusive. Creating kinder cultures at work is possible. It takes commitment and knowing what gets in the way.
- [Kinder Workplaces? A Hard Sell (But Better for the Bottom Line)](https://www.taracousineau.com/kinder-workplaces/) - The topic of kindness can be a non-starter for most businesses and HR executives. Many corporations operate on the principles for survival, namely finding ways to get ahead and stay ahead. They don't realize that thriving, instead of surviving, is the key to success. Try to be kinder.
- [Making Friends with Your Inner Cynic](https://www.taracousineau.com/making-friends-with-your-inner-cynic/) - There is a downside to giving too much attention to what ails us and the world: You will surely provoke your inner cynic. Pessimism can take hold. And that’s not such a good thing. Instead, there are ways to redirect our attention that can allow us to hold what is both difficult in the world and what is beautiful.
- [On Being Multiple: You Aren't Who You Think You Are](https://www.taracousineau.com/on-being-multiple-you-arent-who-you-think-you-are/) - You are so much more. Did you ever say or do something that seemed totally out of character? Did you feel an intense emotion that surprised you? Do you ever find yourself saying “Well, a part of me wanted to do this but I did this instead”? Or, perhaps you find yourself in a continual
- [The Stories We Tell (and other white lies)](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-stories-we-tell-and-other-white-lies/) - It's the season for storytelling and magical thinking. While marketers may take advantage of this, it's a great time to pause and reflect on the stories we tell and why. Years ago my husband took my youngest daughter in his lap at the kitchen table. He diplomatically relayed the news that Santa Claus isn't real.
- [Tell a New Story: It's Your Life](https://www.taracousineau.com/tell-a-new-story-its-your-life/) - It's so easy to fall into the habit of telling yourself a story about yourself that may be misguided, distorted, and totally untrue. Maybe you need a rewrite.
- [Self-love isn't a To-Do Item](https://www.taracousineau.com/self-love-isnt-a-to-do-item/) - Can you turn your self-doubt into self-acceptance? What about turning self-doubt into self-love? (Is that going too far?) If it is, you are not alone. I work with a lot of high achieving people suffering from excruciating self-doubt. Recently, one young woman lamented, “Why does it take so much work to feel better?” It’s a
- [Intentional Acts of Kindness](https://www.taracousineau.com/intentional-acts-of-kindness/) - Kindness can be a hard sell. People desire kindness yet can feel inconvenienced by the very thought of being kind. A bit worn out are we? It’s worth the effort.When a NYT reporter Catherine Pearson asked if I’d comment about some cool research on kindness, it got me thinking. How can we make kindness more intentional? I wrote a book on the subject four years ago. A lot has happened since. I'm tickled that she took some of what I said for her NYT Well article,
- [The Wisdom in Listening to Fear](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-wisdom-in-listening-to-fear/) - Every once in a while there is something that captures my attention in all its totality. It could be the soft skin of my child’s cheeks, or a painting in my husband’s vast collection of art books, or the spark when someone I work with recognizes their own ability for self healing and love. These
- [Being Your Own Best Friend](https://www.taracousineau.com/being-your-own-best-friend/) - It can be very hard to be kind to yourself. If you do beat yourself up, you are not alone. We all have a peanut gallery of inner critics residing in our minds.
- [It's Ok to Rest (We Need Reminders)](https://www.taracousineau.com/its-ok-to-rest-we-need-reminders/) - As we round the corner of another pandemic year who doesn't have a resting Grinch face, even if hidden behind a mask? Put your feet up. It's OK to rest.
- [Tara Cousineau Launches Kind Minds](https://www.taracousineau.com/tara-cousineau-launches-kind-minds/) - Tara Cousineau PhD launches KindMinds.co and a new podcast to help you connect your head and your heart, or kindfulness, for less stress and greater mental wellbeing.
- [Let Warm Memories Carry You](https://www.taracousineau.com/let-warm-memories-carry-you/) - What is it that you can behold in your mind's eye, or in the clutch of your heart, simply because it once befriended you and served you so well? Or, still does?
- [The Sound of Laughter](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-sound-of-laughter/) - Humor may be the one human interaction that can lighten the burden of a very strange year. The sound of laughter plays a staring role in my therapy practice. And I didn't even know it.
- [Tuck Yourself in with Loving-Kindness](https://www.taracousineau.com/tuck-yourself-in-with-loving-kindness/) - When life seems to continuously illuminate the suffering and injustices in humanity and one can only bear witness, try a loving-kindness meditation.
- [Igniting Wonder, Sparking Joy](https://www.taracousineau.com/igniting-wonder-sparking-joy/) - Life offers so many moments of distraction, anticipation, and uncertainty. Life also offers us the present moment, allowing us to hold space for hope, faith, and love.
- [RBG's Shoulders](https://www.taracousineau.com/rbg-shoulders/) - There are so many quiet champions for the dignity of humankind. Most we don’t hear about. They are our neighbors, friends, a kind stranger. And then there's Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
- [Commit to Being Calm and Connected](https://www.taracousineau.com/commit-to-being-calm-and-connected/) - We can't help getting tribal. We are wired for it. It's how humans have survived hardships. But with so many shared spaces, we need to practice new ways to relate.
- [Little Wake Up Calls Everywhere](https://www.taracousineau.com/little-wake-up-calls-everywhere/) - If there is anything I am learning to practice in a pandemic it is patience. And meditation teacher and diversity expert Ruth King opens my eyes with her must-read book, Mindful of Race.
- [Unblocked: Seeing Clearly Our Structural Racism](https://www.taracousineau.com/unblocked-seeing-clearly-our-structural-racism/) - In a world with two pandemics raging side by side and inescapably intertwined, we can't help but see the social, racial, and health disparities. We see in our neighborhoods how circles of compassion are beginning to widen.
- [No Time Like The Present](https://www.taracousineau.com/no-time-like-the-present/) - A quarantine has invited in simplicity and reduced time. Life feels interrupted, but isn't that what it's all about? A reflection on what really matters when milestones evaporate.
- [Calling on Kindred Spirits for Healing](https://www.taracousineau.com/calling-on-kindred-spirits-for-healing/) - As we shelter in place, let's find refuge in our divine connection to nature. When we listen deeply we can find kindred spirits within and around us.
- [Roadside Wisdom in the Time of COVID](https://www.taracousineau.com/roadside-wisdom-in-the-time-of-covid/) - Week No. 4 of staying in place and I can tell you that most everyone I know has had it. This is hard. We need reminders of our common humanity and they're there if you look.
- [Sheltering in Place with Compassion](https://www.taracousineau.com/sheltering-in-place-with-compassion/) - Learn a mindfulness practice to overcome fear with compassion and courage as you shelter in place. Use the RAIN skill whenever you're caught under a spell of negativity.
- [Kindness Changes Everything](https://www.taracousineau.com/kindness-changes-everything/) - Mr. Fred Rogers, who was born on this day in 1928, is famous for reminding us that in times of crisis to look for the helpers among us. And there are many. Including you.
- [The Great Pause](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-great-pause/) - In changing and chaotic times, we need to slow down and reset our stress. In this instructional meditation video you can learn to recruit your physiology for more peace and calm.
- [Finding Comfort in an Emotional Storm: The R.A.I.N. Technique](https://www.taracousineau.com/finding-comfort-in-an-emotional-storm-the-r-a-i-n-technique/) - As human beings living in the limitations in living in our physical bodies it is natural that we can find ourselves with strong reactions. After all, the body has a tendency to resonate with the energies in the environment, too. People, places, and things all hold energy. Your true self, your loving intentions, and soul
- [The Essentiality of Creating Ritual](https://www.taracousineau.com/creating-ritual/) - In times when the world feels fragmented and fears of scarcity abound, it’s no wonder we crave some kind of reprieve. Simple rituals can meet an essential human need for belonging.
- [Facing Fears. Diving In.](https://www.taracousineau.com/facing-fears-diving-in/) - Sometimes I consider myself a late bloomer no matter what decade of life I am in. Recently, I tried my hat at stage storytelling. Took a dose of courage.
- [Rx when Parenting a Child with a Chronic Condition](https://www.taracousineau.com/rx-when-parenting-a-child-with-a-chronic-condition/) - Heavy doses of compassion and self-kindness are needed when parenting child with illness or disability. Here's why.
- [The Inner Critic Deserves Some Respect](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-inner-critic-deserves-some-respect/) - We all have an inner chorus of naysayers constantly pointing out every little weakness or flaw. Get to know these voices and what they are protecting you from.
- [When Joy Arises Savor It](https://www.taracousineau.com/when-joy-arises-savor-it/) - It's all too easy to feel overcome with suffering. Don't forget to notice the good. It's there too. As Mary Oliver wrote, "Joy is not made to be a crumb."
- [Notice Your Negativity Bias (Hint: We’ve all got one)](https://www.taracousineau.com/notice-your-negativity-bias-hint-weve-all-got-one/) - Do you ever feel like sometimes you can be your own worst enemy? You are. We all have a negativity bias... and it’s part of the human design. Learn to recognize it.
- [Cultivating a Positivity Bias by Taking in What’s Good](https://www.taracousineau.com/cultivating-a-positivity-bias-by-taking-in-whats-good/) - It’s funny how we tend to let the good moments pass us by, right? But it’s that one nudgy negative experience which can really fester. It’s so annoying.
- [Love Thy Neighbor](https://www.taracousineau.com/love-thy-neighbor/) - I joke when I say I belong to the church of Mr. Fred Rogers. I was 3 years old when the first season of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood aired. I was the perfect age for his pace of teaching and doctrine of love.
- [Finding the Awe in You](https://www.taracousineau.com/finding-the-awe-in-you/) - Sometimes we have to step outside ourselves to see inside ourselves. There are no straight lines if you want to grow your soul. It does help to have a guide and some basic tools, but more often than not the wise guide is inside of you. You are it.
- [Courageous Conversations with Family](https://www.taracousineau.com/courageous-conversations-with-family/) - As we gather at the Thanksgiving table with friends and family how might we have courageous conversations about race? It's not easy but it is essential.
- [Sliding into a New Year with Love](https://www.taracousineau.com/sliding-into-a-new-year-with-love/) - Even when times were tough my mother made Christmas a magical month. It was a wonderful blend of Nordic rituals, the winter solstice, and Christian traditions.
- [An Undying Love](https://www.taracousineau.com/an-undying-love/) - Contemplating mortality isn't exactly the sentiment I want to carry into 2019. And then again, thinking about death can illuminate what really matters in life.
- [Say a little prayer](https://www.taracousineau.com/say-a-little-prayer/) - Faith is an inner strength. When I was a little girl we prayed every night. My mom would tuck us in and we would begin a litany of prayers. I thought I outgrew them.
- [Finding Inner Momentum](https://www.taracousineau.com/finding-inner-momentum/) - If you are human, and I imagine you are, there are times when you've just really had it. With a friend. A family member. A co-worker. The world. You may even get judgy. Sound familiar?
- [Courage Rising](https://www.taracousineau.com/courage-rising/) - We are all sparks of the divine and sometimes we need to shine our light on other's gifts with our patience, empathy, and encouragement. Can we do this for ourselves, too?
- [The Gift of Paying Attention](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-gift-of-paying-attention/) - Thank you, Mary Oliver. Every once in a while there is something that draws our attention in such a precise way that we see with simple clarity. Oliver did just that.
- [Self-Kindness: Finding Refuge for Ourselves](https://www.taracousineau.com/self-kindness-finding-refuge-for-ourselves/) - When I grew up I learned a lot about being compassionate and giving to other people. I didn't know how to be kind to myself. Self-compassion is an key inner resource to put in our neural backpacks.
- [I shall not be moved](https://www.taracousineau.com/i-shall-not-be-moved/) - In uncertain times like these, when children are caged behind fences, I turn to the words of wise elders. Upon my wall is Dr. Maya Angelou's poem, Our Grandmothers. I am moved each time I read it.
- [Handprints in the Heart: A Reflection on Love and Loss](https://www.taracousineau.com/handprints-in-the-heart-a-reflection-on-love-and-loss/) - Sometimes it's the little things that we hold on to, like a handprint from a child. Yet the only thing we can be sure of is: change. Reflections on being present with uncertainty, patient with discomfort, and befriending one's own mind with compassion.
- [Astonish Yourself: Find Common Ground](https://www.taracousineau.com/find-common-ground/) - That we might be open to a moments of wonder, however it falls before us — is a opportunity to see something in a new way or accept things as they are. Sometimes we need reminders.
- [Empathy Hurts. Empathy Heals.](https://www.taracousineau.com/empathy-hurts-empathy-heals/) - Empathy is tricky. A challenge today is that we have an overexposure to negativity and underexposure to the goodwill in the world. We forget that there is so much we can appreciate and love. Let's try looking a little closer. 
- [No More Guns and Roses](https://www.taracousineau.com/no-more-guns-and-roses/) - The teenagers won't stand for it anymore. “Do you know that there have been 239 school shootings since Sandy Hook?” My daughter's voice cracked, “One of the boys got his acceptance letter into a college the day before.” It's time. Let the children be our teachers. 
- [Being a Kindness Warrior](https://www.taracousineau.com/being-a-kindness-warrior/) - It can be lonely to be a kindness warrior. After all, the world can feel like a very unkind place. But one day my daughter showed that we can all find it in ourselves to keep our hearts wide open. She showed a brutal world that she would care for the meekest of its creatures. - A short excerpt from "The Kindness Cure."
- [Love & Resist: Anniversary of Women's March](https://www.taracousineau.com/love-and-resist-anniversary-of-womens-march/) - As we come upon the anniversary of the game changing Women’s March, I am in awe of what transpired over the last year. The most curious thing of all is what I found so despicable about our elected leader of the free world was, in fact, a very odd blessing. Light was cast on the
- [Picture Your Loving Self](https://www.taracousineau.com/picture-your-loving-self/) - The little girl in the framed photo is holding a Siberian husky pup almost too heavy for her little body. She has dark banana curls and is missing her two front teeth. The teeth were lost after a face plant on a marble coffee table a year earlier. Like a gymnast on the parallel bars,
- [In Dark Times Look for the Helpers](https://www.taracousineau.com/look-for-the-helpers/) - Waking to the news about the Las Vegas massacre was difficult. It takes effort to remember the goodness in humanity.
- [After The Storm A Kinder Tomorrow](https://www.taracousineau.com/after-the-storm-a-kinder-tomorrow/) - Every region has forces of nature that seem beyond comprehension. It is as if Mother Earth is in a constant state of heartbreak somewhere. She is. We are.
- [What Would Ben Franklin Say?](https://www.taracousineau.com/what_would_ben_franklin_say/) - A Sunday drive in a small town named after Ben Franklin is punctuated by a group of white boys at the road side cheering and jeering. A look inward.
- [On Turner's Pond: A Walking Meditation](https://www.taracousineau.com/on-turners-pond-a-walking-meditation/) - On the eve of the first day of summer I took a walk with my dog Leo. I’m not the dog walker in the family even though I should be (Leo was my idea), but I needed to get some head space and so I drove over to Turner’s Pond. Leo is getting on in
- [You’ve Got a Friend in Me](https://www.taracousineau.com/youve-got-a-friend-in-me/) - What a week! Last week I hightailed it to the Boston Common for a peaceful rally, just like many others did for the various Women’s Marches that appeared from sea to shining sea. I knew about ten people but felt like I had 175,000 thousand friends! The crowd swelled of support, goodwill, and peaceful protest
- [It's Not So Simple](https://www.taracousineau.com/its-not-so-simple/) - Can true humility and compassion exist in our words and eyes unless we know we too are capable of any act? ~ St. Francis of Assisi The recent outcome of the 2016 presidential election has unmoored me. I'm on the losing side. I sit in quiet contemplation in just how to respond. My childlike impulses are brimming.
- [What, not who, are you voting for?](https://www.taracousineau.com/what-not-who-are-you-voting-for/) - Sometimes it seems that life is indeed stranger than fiction. This is how I feel about the 58th presidential election. With that said, I am make making an appeal to you. Vote for democracy. Vote for Hillary. First, let me tell you a story. When my daughter Sophie was three years old she chose to
- [How to Be a Kindness Magnet](https://www.taracousineau.com/kindnessmagnet/) - Recently featured on The Huffington Post on September 29th, 2016: Sometimes it takes a child to teach us about our natural instinct for kindness. Something we could all use a little more of these days. One late summer morning I was making a cup of tea in the kitchen. Thinking I was the first one
- [Compassion Always Wins](https://www.taracousineau.com/compassion-always-wins/) - Kids can be SO mean. With school back in swing for only a few weeks, I’m already trying to fight off my mama bear instincts on the sports field.
- [Empathy: Harry Potter’s Playbook](https://www.taracousineau.com/empathy_harry_potters_playbook/) - With school back in season it may be time to have the empathy talk. Why not take a page from the Harry Potter series? A wonderful survival guide for all.
- [Groceries and Gratitude](https://www.taracousineau.com/groceries-and-gratitude/) - A mysterious Mr. Q leaves groceries the doorstep. Why? Tara Cousineau reflects on an act of kindness and realizes the repercussion decades later.
- [Orlando: Hope and Love Last Longer](https://www.taracousineau.com/orlando-hope-and-love-last-longer/) - A Sunday drive with mother and daughter stopped short with the news of the mass shooting in the Orlando nightclub. We are reminded that love is greater than hate.
- [Picking Oneself Up: Rising Strong](https://www.taracousineau.com/picking-oneself-up-rising-strong/) - Watching Brené Brown talk on stage, in real time, reminds me of why I have been drinking the vulnerability Kool-Aid these last few years. Her latest book, Rising Strong: The Reckoning, The Rumble, The Revolution may be her most personal telling of her work, her family and her life. (God love her husband Steve.) At
- [Seeing Red In Pixar's Inside Out? ](https://www.taracousineau.com/seeing-red-in-pixars-inside-out/) - Any person or parent who as succumbed to the intoxicating delight of Pixar Animation Studio's movies over the last decade must see Inside Out, this summer's blockbuster. It's fodder for ongoing conversations about kids, parenting, the brain, and our emotional lives. Of the five inner voices swarming around in 11 year old Riley's head -- Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear -- I
- [Body Image Dispatch: Dear Skinny Girl](https://www.taracousineau.com/body-image-dispatch-dear-skinny-girl/) - I have a skinny daughter. She came out of the womb as a wiry, nimble sprite. For years she was in the 5th percentile for BMI on the pediatric charts. Her natural tendency for sprinting and jumping led her into a decade long love affair with competitive gymnastics. As I watched her tumble and fly,
- [For the Love of Lipstick: A Tribute to My Mother](https://www.taracousineau.com/love-of-lipstick-tribute-to-mother/) - It's my mother's fault. I can't be without my lipstick. What happens when a self-esteem expert is challenged to no makeup? A lesson in self-compassion.
- [Today’s Teenage Girls: Angst-Ridden Changemakers ](https://www.taracousineau.com/teenage-girls-angst-ridden-teenagers/) - I spent the beginning of the week road tripping to colleges with my daughters, 15 and 17, and ended the week at the Women in the World Summit in NYC. When I listened to economist Noreena Hertz's talk about "Generation K” and her recent survey research with thousand teen girls ages 13-20, I thought: "Wow.
- [Would You Drive Your Kids to Drink?](https://www.taracousineau.com/would-you-drive-your-kids-to-drink/) - The Woods is code for a teen hangout not far from the local elementary school. It's where teens gather to drink on weekends. And parents are dropping them off.
- [Confessions of a Digital Mom: Emoji Sweet Nothin's](https://www.taracousineau.com/confessions-of-a-digital-mom/) - Hey Moms. Are you trying to play catch up with your daughters? I am. We have two dynamic duos under our roof. I’ve never experienced anything like the sheer fluency my girls have with their smartphones and apps. They pick up the latest things with such ease, it’s crazy. Snapchat, Vine. I’m convinced my
- [What's your beauty legacy?](https://www.taracousineau.com/whats-your-beauty-legacy/) - That's the question that a new Dove film asks mothers and daughters. In documentary style, moms and their daughters (7-10 years old) are asked – separately – to write two lists: what they like about their bodies and what they don’t like. The first time I watched the film, all of three minutes, I found myself
- [Raising Kids in the Digital World](https://www.taracousineau.com/raising-kids-in-the-digital-world/) - OK, game on!! With the new iPhone out and the tussle between Apple and Samsung swelling, our kids are diving right into the mix wanting the latest and greatest of smartphones. My girls are so mad at me for not upgrading them to at least an iPhone 5 – not until their renewal in January.
- [When the World Says No: Power of Forgiveness](https://www.taracousineau.com/when-the-world-says-no-power-of-forgiveness/) - Oh, no. What happens when the world says NO to you? NO, I don’t love you. NO, you won’t be getting a promotion. No, no, no. Look deep inside. Try forgiveness.
- [Even Deadbeat Dads Deserve a Tribute](https://www.taracousineau.com/even-deadbeat-dads-deserve-a-tribute/) - It goes without saying how important fathers are. Social science research is chock full of studies proving that involved dads positively impact the emotional and behavioral wellbeing of their little boys and girls. Protective factors for girls involve delay of sexual risk taking; and for boys, decreases in behavioral problems and criminal activity. Overall, a
- [Pretty Pleasers and the Power of No](https://www.taracousineau.com/pretty-pleasers-and-the-power-of-no/) - Learning how to say "No" is an act of self-compasssion. Practicing the art of graceful exits is what many of we perfectionists need to do. Tips for young women over-achievers.
- [Why I Became a Psychologist: A Story of Revenge](https://www.taracousineau.com/psychologist-a-story-of-revenge/) - Revenge is a motivator. It just depends on what the outcome is, of course. I was recently asked why I became a psychologist. For a number of reasons I decided to tell the story in third person. Here's a picture of me to help set the scene. You might think how could this dorky, smiling
- [A Booster Shot for Confidence:   Power Posing](https://www.taracousineau.com/a-booster-shot-for-confidence-power-posing/) - Power Posing. That’s what I’ve been teaching my daughters this week. Super Woman. Hands on hips. Chest forward. Shoulders back. Chin up. The irony of it all? Posing like a super hero releases testosterone, the male hormone. It also lowers cortisol, the stress hormone. In fact, just two minutes of such posturing before a stressful
- [Bring it on! Blame Mom.](https://www.taracousineau.com/bring-it-on-blame-mom/) - “Ok, just shoot me!” I blurted out to my daughter. So much for compassionate conversations, which I’ve been practicing as of late. Yet when your 16-year old daughter badgers, badgers and badgers, a mother just wants to flee. It's a natural reaction to verbal assault! My daughter is about to get her driver’s license. Yes,
- [One Big Boston Group Hug](https://www.taracousineau.com/one-big-boston-group-hug/) - There are relatively few experiences in life that makes an impression like a community coming together with compassionate purpose. Over 32K runners and a million strong, the Boston Marathon 2014 is now etched in my mind.
- [I’m an Introvert and it’s OK](https://www.taracousineau.com/im-an-introvert-and-its-ok/) - Shhhh. I stole time for myself. Peace. Quiet. For a few days, I retreated from the world and had no idea how much I needed the solitude. I’m an introvert by nature and getting away is virtually impossible with family and work life. But here I am. Before I left, a lovely young client of
- [Boston Marathon: A Case for Compassionate Conversations](https://www.taracousineau.com/boston-marathon-a-case-for-compassionate-conversations/) - In a few days the Boston Marathon will once again take place. And it got me thinking about how we talk about tragedy, re-experience the traumatic events, and still hold on to hope and joy.
- [B. Bossy. Barbie. Bothered.](https://www.taracousineau.com/b-bossy-barbie-bothered/) - Like Goldilocks, nothing is fitting just right for me. Or like silly Winnie the Pooh, I just feel like saying: Oh bother. It started with the bothersome news that Mattel and the Girls Scouts of the USA teamed up on a career Barbie doll promotion. Ostensibly, this deal was about an online Barbie game, showing all
- [5 Videos Every Mom and Daughter (and Son) Should Watch Together](https://www.taracousineau.com/5-videos-every-mom-and-daughter-should-watch-together/) - Raising girls is hard. Raising boys is hard. Talking about tough things is hard. Here are 5 videos to jump start a conversation with your teenager.
- [Planting Seeds of Self-Compassion in Childhood](https://www.taracousineau.com/self-compassion-in-childhood/) - It’s difficult as a mom the bear witness to a child’s grief. Yet, it is remarkable to see self-compassion in the raw, as my daughter recently showed me.
- [7 Reasons Why I’m Hooked on Daring Greatly By Brené Brown](https://www.taracousineau.com/7-reasons-why-im-hooked-on-daring-greatly-by-brene-brown/) - (or why I am diehard fan of her work) Every once in a while along the meandering paths of life, there comes a moment, maybe a chance meeting, a work of art, a dream, an intuitive hit, a relationship, a journey to a new land, or some hard work that pays off – that becomes
- [An Unusual Valentine from My Daughter](https://www.taracousineau.com/an-unusual-valentine-from-my-daughter/) - The question is: Who would your daughter turn to in a time of distress? If she were raped? Not mom. So who else? The Vagina Monologues raises questions, timeless, necessary, important.
- [What Selfies Can Teach Moms](https://www.taracousineau.com/what-selfies-can-teach-moms/) - Moms, do you shiver when your daughters constantly take selflies. Do they mock you when you take one of yourself? Been there, done that! This video from DOVE might change the way you view your daughter's obsession with selflies. Or it may not. You decide. It's worth a peek. If anything, it may make you
- [2014 Winter Olympics was all Mom Power](https://www.taracousineau.com/2014-winter-olympics-was-all-mom-power/) - The 2014 Winter Olympics have come and gone. What I come away with is not so much the medals won, but the stories of the athletes’ moms. Mothers took center stage.
- [A Gift of Self-Compassion: Parenting Your Inner Child](https://www.taracousineau.com/a-gift-of-self-compassion-parenting-your-inner-child/) - What parent doesn't look at his or her children and see a reflection? Or doesn't remember the shameful moments of childhood? Dr. Tara shares stories of self-compassion
- [Why Self-Compassion Matters for Moms](https://www.taracousineau.com/why-self-compassion-matters-for-moms/) - I’ve noticed something lately. It’s something I see in my clients. Honestly, it’s something I see in myself. Women just can’t do self-compassion very well.
- [Tween-Sized Blessings](https://www.taracousineau.com/tween-sized-blessings/) - Every once in a while my kids surprise me with their inherent generosity. I thank god that somehow kindness seeps into the self-centered world of tweens. Recently, on a shopping trip with her girlfriends, my daughter Josie shared an experience that made an impression on her. In the chatty breathless way young teenagers have, she
- [A Girl Thing: Relational Bullying in a Digital Age](https://www.taracousineau.com/a-girl-thing-relational-bullying-in-a-digital-age/) - Let’s face it. The anti-bullying campaigns in schools don’t always translate into real life. In fact, I hear middle and high school kids say that they are sick of all the bullying awareness assemblies or initiatives. Like, they get it already.
- [Kapow! BatKid Makes Heart Prints On Our Souls](https://www.taracousineau.com/kapow-batkid-makes-heart-prints-on-our-souls/) - In the midst of one sad, tragic or harsh news story after another we all need to hear something good. You know, a feel good story that makes your heart burst with glee? Here's a story about compassion and the healing powers of community in action. It's a story to share with family and friends.
- [Bralettes, Bandeaus and Corsets, Oh My!](https://www.taracousineau.com/bralettes-bandeaus-and-corsets-oh-my/) - Body dissatisfaction manifests in many subtle and not so subtle ways. It starts as young as 6 years old and ignites around puberty. I am now living through pubertal journey No. 3. First me; my older daughter; and now my youngest. The pattern, if there is one: Late bloomer, on schedule, late bloomer.
- [Ode to the Flip Phone](https://www.taracousineau.com/ode-to-the-flip-phone/) - I wish we all used flip phones, she lamented at 17. She’s one of few in this youth generation who started on a flip phone. Today' s tweens have no such luxury.
- [KISS & Tell with Tweens and Teens ](https://www.taracousineau.com/kiss-tell-with-tweens-and-teens/) - Parents are freaked out. Freaked out. Maybe it’s part of the season, the time changing, darker days, a new moon, lunar eclipse, or the upcoming All Souls day. But there is no mistaking it. The news has been full of upsetting stories involving 12 year olds (which I will save for last).
- [An Arrow Through the Heart: The Merida Makeover](https://www.taracousineau.com/an-arrow-through-the-heart-the-merida-makeover/) - What was Disney thinking with the Merida makeover? Ask my daughter, ask yours. Girls need courageous characters. Keep Merida Brave. Sign petition.
- [In the Age of Selfies Who is Camera Shy?](https://www.taracousineau.com/in-the-age-of-selfies-who-is-camera-shy/) - My teenager daughters and all of their friends spend lots of time take photos of themselves. The one day I took a mobile photo of myself in front of our garden with over 100 glorious tulips, my 13 year old, Josie, admonished me: "Mom, are you taking a selfie? As if it is totally ok
- [The Boobie Trap – Teaching Our Girls to Love Their Bodies By Loving Ours](https://www.taracousineau.com/teaching-our-girls-to-love-their-bodies-by-loving-ours/) - Boobs. They all want them. In some way, shape or form. The girls all want to look like Victoria’s Secret models before they have breast buds. Moms, let's talk.
- [Back to Middle School: Judgment Day](https://www.taracousineau.com/judgment-day-in-middle-schoo/) - Recently, my older daughter (15) and I watched the 1986 coming of age classic, Stand By Me. It was apropos as we were returning home from a trip to visit with her best friends from her “childhood.” Reunited on a far-flung trip to Kuala Lumpur her set of four best friends were together once more
- [Who’s eavesdropping on our kids’ social networks?](https://www.taracousineau.com/whos-eavesdropping-on-our-kids-social-networks/) - Dr. Tara asks parents: How would you feel if you found out your child’s school district is paying for “social listening” of students’ social networking?
- [Getting Over Miley](https://www.taracousineau.com/getting-over-miley/) - What happened to smiley Miley, the Hannah Montana of our children’s impressionable, formative years? She’s been replaced by herself. We have to deal with it...
- [Fame, Fortune and the Fallacy of Self-Esteem](https://www.taracousineau.com/fame-fortune-and-the-fallacy-of-self-esteem/) - Listening to musicIt’s that time of year! It's the blind auditions for The Voice. Of course, my 13-year-old rushes through her homework and begs to watch it. I admit The Voice is entertaining. It takes the old talent formula one step farther by not having a visual of the contestants—to rule out the entrenched cultural biases on appearance, beauty, style and stage presence. It’s supposed to be a more fair approach—and in some ways it is.
- [Playing Hooky with Mom](https://www.taracousineau.com/playing-hooky-with-mom/) - Moms and Dads: What if you decide to pick one day to think outside the box when it comes to your kids’ education? What might that look like?
- [The Sweetness of Self-Compassion](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-sweetness-of-self-compassion/) - Girls’ self esteem begins to plummet around age 10 and 11, and there are very real effects from the inner self-critic that develop including self-harm. Cont...
- [Rights of Tween Passage: Halloween’s Thrills and Chills  ](https://www.taracousineau.com/rights-of-tween-passage-halloweens-thrills-and-chills/) - The thrill of haunted house and scary movies is a right of passage for that phase of childhood I like to call middledom. It seems to start around 8 or 9 years of age when kids can separate fantasy from reality but still can wholly immerse themselves in make believe. We have many Flip vids
- [It's Cool to Be Cruel: How Moms Can Help Girls](https://www.taracousineau.com/its-cool-to-be-cruel-how-moms-can-help-girls/) - It's cool to be cruel in today's youth culture. Dr. Tara Cousineau gives six simple strategies for parents to talk to their teens about the culture of meanness and opportunities to resist gender stereotypes.The recent teen rape case in Steubenville offers a teachable if uncomfortable moment for a conversation.
- [Could Your Daughter Be A Mean Girl?](https://www.taracousineau.com/could-your-daughter-be-a-mean-girl/) - No mother ever wants her daughter to be the victim of bullying and no mother wants to discover her daughter is a bully. But in a rampant mean girl culture, what can moms do?
- [Social & Emotional Intelligence: What a Village in Bali Can Teach Us](https://www.taracousineau.com/social-emotional-intelligence-what-a-village-in-bali-can-teach-us/) - It is a wonder to behold the bright eyes of children. My daughter and I are traveling with friends and just spent five days on the island of Bali in Indonesia. Through a local bike tour and the word of mouth of local residents we were able to meet and greet several families. “Hello! Hello!
- [Caution: Soul-Searching Mama Traveling With Teenager](https://www.taracousineau.com/soul-searching-mama-traveling-with-teenager/) - Traveling in Malaysia and Indonesia for almost three weeks with my teen daughter has been relatively easy in spite of the fact that she ignores me. So I’ve taken total advantage of this state of affairs. I’ve gone AWOL. Since she’d rather be with her traveling BFFs, I’ve learned that I can actually allow myself
- [Three Snow Angels & 12 Guideposts for a Living Balanced Life](https://www.taracousineau.com/12-guideposts-for-living-balanced-life/) - Looking out the window and seeing three snow angels under the moonlight inspired Tara Cousineau, PhD, to write down 12 guideposts for living a balanced life.
- [Free Teleclass: Keeping Your Daughters Safe Online](https://www.taracousineau.com/free-teleclass-keeping-your-daughters-safe-online/) - JOIN ME June 10, 8pm Hey Moms! I will be doing a much needed teleseminar on what today’s teen girls are doing on their social networks and how to keep them safe. It’s a brave new world out there. One of the things I've noticed – no surprise to you, I'm sure – is that
- [Bottling Up Happiness: Affirming the Mother-Daughter Relationship](https://www.taracousineau.com/bottling-up-happiness-affirming-the-mother-daughter-relationship/) - Last weekend we held a Mother Daughter workshop, called Helping Moms & Daughters Thrive. Co-host Marthe Teixiera, teen life coach, and I wondered if we could pull it off at such a busy time of year. We did. And here’s what we learned. 1) Time is Precious Moms and daughters like to spend time
- [What Your Kids See on Facebook Whether They Are Looking For It or Not](https://www.taracousineau.com/what-your-kids-see-on-facebook-whether-they-are-looking-for-it-or-not/) - Our tweens and teen are exposed to violent sexual content whether they want to see it or not. This is call to action to parents to teach your children well.
- [Picturing Our Role Models: One Photographer’s Vision](https://www.taracousineau.com/picturing-our-role-models-one-photographers-vision/) - Every once in a while there is a book, or a performance, or piece of artwork, that speaks to the heart. Jaime Moore’s photography series of her daughter juxtaposed to historical woman leaders is nothing short of breathtaking. That is, one must stop and take a pause to soak in each pair of photos. In
- [Mums the Word On Safe Sex? Enter Plan B For Teenage Girls](https://www.taracousineau.com/mums-the-word-on-safe-sex-enter-plan-b-for-teenage-girls/) - I support access to emergency contraception for teenage girls. So be it that the contentious discourse about birth control continues. But as of this month, at least one morning after pill is now available over the counter to teen girls as young as 15, provided they show an ID with their age. As far as I can
- [Postlude: Heartbreak Hill for Boston](https://www.taracousineau.com/postlude-heartbreak-hill-for-boston/) - Today my daughters return to school after a spring vacation week like no other in their short life histories. Exactly one week after the Boston Marathon bombings. Somehow Bostonians are venturing back into their lives, altered by the recent events in ways that are hard to yet define. Friends and acquaintances participated in the marathon
- [A Dress and a Tween Girl's Delight](https://www.taracousineau.com/i-feel-pretty-a-tween-girls-delight/) - I Feel Pretty She didn't have to say it exactly. She exuded it. She danced it. She jumped on the sofa. She twirled. A new dress on a (very) skinny tween. “Look, it fits perfectly!” I watched Josie with pure joy – and a silent gratitude to the Universe. Thank you. You never know with an
- [Why Girl Empowerment Movements Will Never End](https://www.taracousineau.com/why-the-girls-empowerment-movement-will-never-end/) - The girl empowerment movement is a strong as ever, and needs to be, says Dr. Tara Cousineau, who is raising teenage daughters. Education, empowerment and entrepreneurship, the three Es, are antidotes to negative cultural messages and narrow expectations for girls.
- [My Teenage Daughter’s Room](https://www.taracousineau.com/my-teenage-daughters-room/) - A teenager's messy room is often fair game for a mother-daughter battleground. But is it worth it? Dr. Tara Cousineau's considers the issue in light of her own daughter's cleaning habits.
- [My Daughter's First High Heels](https://www.taracousineau.com/first-high-heels/) - What happens when your little girl buys her first pair of high heels and you find out? Tara Cousineau, PhD, writes about her daughter's emerging coming of age.
- [Cosmic Whispers and Momentary Truths](https://www.taracousineau.com/cosmic-whispers-and-momentary-truths/) - Withe the world's end come and gone, Tara Cousineau reflects on the opportunity to envision a new story about herself, with compassion, mindfulness, and boditude and to model these ways for her daughters.
- [Ode to the Black Sheep](https://www.taracousineau.com/ode-to-the-black-sheep/) - Tara Cousineau, PhD. There is a black sheep in my office. It reminds us that feeling alone, or outcast is universal..that it takes both vulnerability and courage to forge one's path. You are not alone.
- [About Me](https://www.taracousineau.com/about-me/) - I'm a work in progress. Stay tuned for updates on this page. Just got started on this blog. See also: Twitter: @taracousphd Websites: www.taracousineau.com www.teensinbalance.com www.bodimojo.com The Daily Mojo

## Pages

- [Home](https://www.taracousineau.com/) - Dr. Tara Cousineau coaches individuals, groups, organizations and leaders, by helping them set their intention, find clarity, meet their personal and professional goals, improve their relationships, and live their lives to fullest potential with confidence, self-compassion, mindfulness.
- [The Kindness Cure](https://www.taracousineau.com/the-kindness-cure-2/) - What others are saying about The Kindness Cure An exceptional read for anyone who dismays of mean-spiritedness and who wants to make a difference. ~Library Journal, an American trade publication for the library community Grounded in solid research, this book is heartfelt, funny, and so helpful, with tons of practical suggestions and effective tools. Sharp, insightful,
- [Press](https://www.taracousineau.com/press/) - Check out Dr. Tara Cousineau’s articles and expert quotes.
- [About Dr. Tara](https://www.taracousineau.com/about-me/) - Psychologist, Coach, and Author of The Perfectionist's Dilemma: Learn the Art of Self-Compassion and Become a Happy Achiever
- [Quiet the Inner Critic and Thrive](https://www.taracousineau.com/inner-critic-courses/) - Explore courses by Tara Cousineau, PhD, including Rewire Your Inner Critic and free Happy Achiever Tools—companion resources to The Perfectionist’s Dilemma. Course: Rewire Your Inner Critic What if Your Inner Critic Could Guide You Instead of Hold You Back? Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with hundreds of people in workshops, coaching Explore courses by Tara Cousineau, PhD, including Rewire Your Inner Critic and free Happy Achiever Tools—companion resources to The Perfectionist’s Dilemma. Explore courses by Tara Cousineau, PhD, including Rewire Your Inner Critic and free Happy Achiever Tools—companion resources to The Perfectionist’s Dilemma. Course: Rewire Your Inner Critic What if Your Inner Critic Could Guide You Instead of Hold You Back? Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with hundreds of people in workshops, coaching Explore courses by Tara Cousineau, PhD, including Rewire Your Inner Critic and free Happy Achiever Tools—companion resources to The Perfectionist’s Dilemma. Course: Rewire Your Inner Critic What if Your Inner Critic Could Guide You Instead of Hold You Back? Over the years, I’ve had the privilege of sitting with hundreds of people in workshops, coaching #
- [Privacy Policy](https://www.taracousineau.com/privacy-policy/) - This Privacy Policy was last reviewed on Sept 1, 2024. We are very delighted that you have shown interest in our enterprise. Data protection is of a particularly high priority for the management of Tara Cousineau’s website. The use of the Internet pages of Tara Cousineau is possible without any indication of personal data; however,
- [The Kindness Cure Manifesto](https://www.taracousineau.com/manifesto/) - Tara Cousineau We can grow kind minds. Our hearts are wise and our brains are flexible. By comforting others and being comforted, you can strengthen your caring neural circuitry. You can kindle and rekindle kindness.
- [Contact](https://www.taracousineau.com/contact/) - Contact Tara Cousineau - Clinical Psychologist and Self Esteem Expert.
- [Speaking](https://www.taracousineau.com/speaking/) - I am passionate about helping individuals and organizations lead meaningful and kindful lives. As an expert in mindfulness skills, positive psychology, and mind-body medicine, I know first hand that we can change our lives through practices of kindness, gratitude, forgiveness, and serenity.
- [Podcast & Meditations](https://www.taracousineau.com/kind-minds-podcast/) - You are invited to check out a my meditations and audio course on the InsightTimer app. You will also find thousands of other free meditations to choose from.
- [Research](https://www.taracousineau.com/research/) - Select Publications I've retired from research! Every once in a while I still collaborate with colleagues for the fun of it. Cousineau, T.M., Hobbs, L., Arthur, K. (2019). The Role of Compassion and Mindfulness in Building Parental Resilience When Caring for Children with Chronic Conditions: A Conceptual Model. Frontiers. Seidman, L. C., S. R. Martin,
- [Terms of Service](https://www.taracousineau.com/terms-of-service/) - IMPORTANT! These terms of use govern your use of this site, which is provided by our company. By accessing this site, you are indicating your acknowledgment and acceptance of these terms of use. These terms of use are subject to change by our company at any time in its discretion. Your use of this site

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- [feelings](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/feelings/)
- [contagion](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/contagion/)
- [influence](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/influence/)
- [helper](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/helper/)
- [trees](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/trees/)
- [forests](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/forests/)
- [protest](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/protest/)
- [race](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/race/)
- [inequities](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/inequities/)
- [conversation](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/conversation/)
- [bridging differences](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/bridging-differences/)
- [compassionate communication](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/compassionate-communication/)
- [election](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/election/)
- [blessing](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/blessing/)
- [pandemic](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/pandemic/)
- [trauma](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/trauma/)
- [laughter](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/laughter/)
- [humor](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/humor/)
- [human connection](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/human-connection/)
- [kinfdulness](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/kinfdulness/)
- [presence](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/presence/)
- [safe space](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/safe-space/)
- [recollection](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/recollection/)
- [ghost](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/ghost/)
- [purple](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/purple/)
- [holiday](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/holiday/)
- [stories](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/stories/)
- [white lies](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/white-lies/)
- [coal](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/coal/)
- [elf](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/elf/)
- [santa claus](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/santa-claus/)
- [Internal Family Systems](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/internal-family-systems/)
- [imposter](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/imposter/)
- [mental health](https://www.taracousineau.com/tag/mental-health/)