• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Tara Cousineau, PhD

Clinical Psychologist, Kindness Warrior

  • About
    • Bio
    • Press
    • Research
  • Book
    • Book
    • Cards
    • The Kindness Cure Manifesto
  • Blog
  • Meditations
  • Spread the Love
  • Services
    • Coaching
    • Consulting
    • Speaking
  • Contact
  • Discover Your Kindness Quotient!

emotions

Seeing Red In Pixar’s Inside Out?

August 6, 2015 by Tara Cousineau Leave a Comment

io_Anger_standard

Any person or parent who as succumbed to the intoxicating delight of Pixar Animation Studio’s movies over the last decade must see Inside Out, this summer’s blockbuster. It’s fodder for ongoing conversations about kids, parenting, the brain, and our emotional lives.

Of the five inner voices swarming around in 11 year old Riley’s head — Joy, Sadness, Anger, Disgust and Fear — I just loved the red little guy! So much so, I saw Inside Out twice: Once with my BodiMojo co-workers (full review here) and once with my family.

The first time I was so attentive to the story line that I had to see it again to focus on the science of it. I realized because I was a temper tantrum kid that I wanted to see more of Anger, voiced by comedian Louis Black. Anger is a difficult emotion that can be appropriate at times (like when the main character, Riley, finds out she has to move away from the comfort of home and her BFFs). It’s also an important emotion in understanding the ups and downs of emotional life, stress, and what’s happening inside the brain. Drs. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, co-authors of my favorite parenting book, The Whole Brain Child, have a simple representation of the brain that I love. It’s much simpler that the brain depicted in the movie!  Dr. Siegel uses his hand as a model of the brain, which he divides in to the “upstairs brain” and the “downstairs brain.”  Imagine your hand in a fist. The downstairs brain (the palm) is reactive and controls things like breathing and sleeping; it can get triggered and activate the fight, flight, freeze or faint response when angry or afraid.

The upstairs brain (the curled fingers in Dr. Siegel’s hand model) is the logical, rational brain that can make plans, problem solve, and instill reason and calm. That’s the PFC, the prefrontal cortex. It balances out the downstairs brain. In between is the baby gate, i.e., the thumb tucked inside the fist, which represents the amygdala, the tiny structure in the brain that is on constant alert for danger and helps to process emotion. When a kid “flips her lid” (hand is now wide open) it means the baby gate is locked and the passage between the upstairs and downstairs brain is disconnected. In Inside Out, the Sadness and Joy were locked out while the brain’s command central was going bonkers. That’s when Anger and the other sidekicks, Disgust and Fear, went into panic mode. (“There’s nothing working! Why isn’t it working?”) This triggered the stress reaction and motivated Riley into action, or a “flight” response. This is what Dr. Siegel might call an upstairs tantrum: she made a conscious decision to grab her mom’s credit card number, buy a bus ticket, and then run away.

Dr. Siegel’s Tedx Talk and his Handy Model of the Brain

I wanted to see a downstair tantrum in part because I use this language with some of my younger adolescent clients prone to emotional regulation challenges. Where was the downstairs fist-pounding, wailing meltdown? Plus, every kid loses it from time to time. I’ve found my daughter wailing inside her closet, too, with utter recognition of the experience. To see Riley do so would have been excruciatingly entertaining to be sure. Who couldn’t relate? It would also be instructive for viewers and half the screaming little kids in the theater with me.

How does one calm down when so upset?

A rational conversation by mom or dad would not work well in the moment. After all, who can hear anything when one is in a meltdown? After the emotional release dies down, connecting with an understanding mom and dad certainly could. That might include naming the emotions and engaging in calming skills (breathing, a hug, and mindfulness) until the “baby gate” opens up to the upstairs brain. That’s when new learning (or integration) can take place. As Dr. Siegel says, kids need to know that their feelings are both “mentionable and manageable.”

All told, Anger, made me laugh in recognition. My 15 year old daughter, the consummate animation flick fan, quipped, “I can’t wait for Inside Out 2!”  That’s when we hope the “puberty button” gets pushed! Let’s see what adventures Riley’s internal voices embark on in her morphing brain once she’s a teenager. And that’s when I imagine Disgust will reveal her true sassy self. (Dr. Siegel’s recent book Brainstorm: The Power and The Purpose of the Teenage Brain, is another excellent read.)

I recently saw Dr. Siegel demonstrate  the hand model of the brain at a Mindfulness & Education Conference.  On that day his sidekick was hip hop artist JustMe, who composed a song for kids, “Don’t Flip Yo’ Lid.”  It was amusing to watch teachers and therapist jamming. Whatever it takes!

A movie, a song about the brain for kids?  It works for this big kid.

 

 

Photo credit: © Pixar, 2015 http://movies.disney.com/inside-out/

Filed Under: Balance, Inspirations, Rants & Raves, Well-Being Tagged With: anger, calm, children, Dr. Dan Siegel, emotional life, emotions, InsideOut, kids, meltown, mindfulness, parents, Pixar, teen brain

Back to Middle School: Judgment Day

September 2, 2013 by Tara Cousineau Leave a Comment

Stand By me - All MoviesRecently, my older daughter (15) and I watched the 1986 coming of age classic, Stand By Me.  It was apropos as we were returning home from a trip to visit with her best friends from her “childhood.” Reunited on a far-flung trip to Kuala Lumpur her set of four best friends were together once more and saw another part of the world as a bonus.  Doesn’t happen often. (Won’t happen again.) These girls had spent countless hours together up until that tender the age 12 when two of them (twins) moved to the other side of the world. It was a shock to the system for Sophie.

Remarkable to me, in watching Stand By Me over 25 years later, was how the film captured the loyalty, trust and compassion among four boys, 12 going on 13. The movie centered on an adventure to find the dead body of a local teen, with the requisite night out to camp in the woods. Not quite sentimental, the movie was nuanced enough to portray the range of emotions and understanding children – yes, even boys –  can have of hardship, heartache, and a need to be tough in the face of life’s disappointments. These boys had each other to joke with, to scare, to challenge, and to offer a shoulder to cry on – and without judgment. Somehow you knew this was fleeting.

I was about 20 minutes behind Sophie in my viewing of the film, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the flight. My reactions trailed hers on cue: a laugh here, a startle there. The only difference was that by the end of the movie I had tears rolling down my face.

“Oh my god, Mom. It’s just a movie.”

I was still reflecting on the last line in the film, where the narrator punches out on his typewriter:

 “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.”

“Jesus, does anyone?”

I turned to her and said: Tell me right now that when you were 12 you didn’t believe that your best friends were more important than anything. That they were the only ones you could count on and who understood you. And really, has it been the same since?

She just stared at me, as teens do, not willing to admit a truth.

* * *

Girls Sleeping On Porch, NYAs inevitably happens, we just had the last week of summer. My younger daughter (13) and her group of friends stretched out the last days before 8th grade as long as it could possibly go.  So much for getting a good night sleep, being prepared to wake up early again, and being somewhat organized. She begged me, “Mom, this is the LAST time our gang will be together before school starts, pleeeeeeeeeaaaaassse.”

I thought of the four boys in Stand By Me: Chris, Gordy, Vern and Teddy. I gave in.

And what did these 13 year olds do?  They piled in a tent in one friend’s back yard.

I didn’t’ know this until she came home. She certainly had the dirty feet and mosquito bites to prove it. Maybe it is a primal need of kids of the brink of adulthood to cap it off with an adventure.

And let’s just say the first day of school was the antithesis of that last hurrah. In absolute tears was she – on that first morning of school – as Dad was calling her repeatedly to get in the car.  She ran past me, in a skirts and cute top, her long hair painstakingly straightened. I assured her everything was going to be just fine.  In a last turn before stepping out the door she lamented: “You just don’t understand, Mom. I don’t have ANYTHING nice to wear on the FIRST DAY!”

Oh I understand all right. It’s middle school and it’s judgment day.

* * *

 

Join me for upcoming talks and tweens and teens.

Filed Under: Courage, friendships, Inspirations, Mothers & Daughters, Self-Esteem, Teenagers Tagged With: back-to-school, boys, emotions, friendships, peers, teenagers

Primary Sidebar

Follow Me

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

Meet Dr. Tara

Meet Dr. Tara Cousineau

Short n’ Sweet: Sign Up Today!

Available Now

Limited Supply! Order Today.

Take my free quiz.

Matters in Kind by Dr. Tara

Weekly Wisdom on all matters related to kindness--

Straight to your inbox!

Tweets by taracousphd

Recent Posts

  • Tuck Yourself in with Loving-Kindness
  • Igniting Wonder, Sparking Joy
  • RBG’s Shoulders
  • Commit to Being Calm and Connected
  • Little Wake Up Calls Everywhere
  • Unblocked: Seeing Clearly Our Structural Racism

Search Blog Topics

Tags

apps body image boys brain Brene Brown coming of age compassion courage culture daughter Daughters Dr. Tara Cousineau empathy Empowerment Facebook friendship girls girls culture gratitude kindness leadership love media meditation mindfulness moms mother Mothers parenting parents PhD resilience Self-Care Self-Compassion Self Esteem social media social networks tara Cousineau technology teenagers teen brain teens texting The Kindness Cure tweens

Categories

Archives

  • Terms of Service
  • Privacy Policy
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 Tara Cousineau, PHD · Site by Design by Insight

Copyright © 2021 · Infinity Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in