Gratitude Connects Us
It might seem obvious that a heart felt “thank you” is good to do. My mother always had us kids write thank you notes to the point of exhaustion. But now I really appreciate the practice. Because it does take some thought and effort. Pleasantly, writing a thank you note is now on of my consistent habits (even if the use of emojis seems to be the easier way to go).
Gratitude is an inclination toward noticing and appreciating the positives in life. In this way, gratitude is both a feeling and a life orientation. It encompasses good deeds and also tangible and intangible things, such as a rosy sunset, medicine that eases an ailment, or the freedom to vote.
“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is ‘thank you,’ it will be enough,” said the theologian and mystic Meister Eckhart. Countless sages and spiritual masters, contemplative leaders and writers, all emphasize how essential gratitude is in a meaningful life. Going far beyond good manners, true gratitude comes from the openness of deeply understanding the fragility and beauty in life. This leads to acknowledging blessings in ordinary experiences. It is a practice of appreciating.
Free Meditation: From Stressed to Blessed
An Attitude of Gratitude
Gratitude has evolutionary underpinnings and is part of our caring blueprint. Scientists believe that expressions of gratitude are fundamental for social relationships in ways that nudge humanity from one generation to the next. It’s an “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine” sentiment seen in other primates. This social exchange is known as reciprocal altruism, which we experience when we offer a helping hand to someone and he or she does something kind in turn. Both people are left with positive feelings, making it more likely that the exchange will continue. Sociologist Georg Simmel called gratitude “the moral memory of mankind.”
This exchange creates an upward spiral of well-being: studies show that in addition to being closely associated with positive feelings such as happiness, gratitude plays a role in personal well-being, self-acceptance, having purpose in life, post-traumatic growth, and physical health.
Typically, gratitude studies ask people to count their blessings, write in gratitude journals, or hand-deliver a heartfelt thank-you letter. They are then compared with people who did something else that required a similar level of effort. It turns out that our whole being is affected by gratitude— psychological, physical, and social—and these positive effects last for a while. Gratitude boosts happiness and life satisfaction, improves sleep, strengthens relationships, inspires forgiveness, promotes altruism and helping behaviors, helps people face adversity including death, and may even directly impact heart health in heart-failure patients.
How to Cultivate a Daily Practice of Gratitude
Because positive emotions such as gratitude are fleeting (as are all emotions, for that matter), cultivating an attitude of gratitude goes far.
- Notice or create a beneficial experience.
- Be present.
- Let the experience stick in your mind.
- As you appreciate the beneficial experience, say “Thank you.”
This can become a simple, quiet, inner habit as you go through your days. You could be thanking anyone or anything: God, the universe, Lady Luck, or nature. If someone did something kind for you, start with feeling gratitude. That way, you will cultivate the true benefits of gratitude, and any gesture you make to express it will come from the heart.
“Who can distinguish giver and receiver in the final kiss of gratitude?” asks Brother Steindl-Rast. Gratitude gives meaning to daily life, allowing you to feel that your participation in the world matters and that we belong to each other. When you pause long enough to behold the wonders before you, appreciate kind gestures that delight or surprise you, or acknowledge the smallest comforts and joys, you change that much more for good. Integrating kindness and compassion through gratitude bolsters your caring circuitry, ignites energy, and builds resilience.
Excerpt adapted from: The Kindness Cure: How the Science of Compassion Can Heal Your Heart and Your World
Photos
iStock photos by salim hanzaz and calvindexter
