Set Intentions, Not Limits: Lessons from Demi Moore

Do not underestimate the power of intention-setting.

One summer during college, a group of friends and I decided to work on Cape Cod. It felt thrilling to skip going home and embrace adulthood. Little did we know how hard it would be to find work. We scraped together a motley assortment of jobs—serving coffee at 5 a.m., doing laundry at a motel, and pressing T-shirts at tourist shops. That summer was filled with beach parties, brushes with danger (like being held at gunpoint in a laundromat), and even being in a cruiser witnessing a wild police chase. It was a season of growing up.

When a film crew arrived in town, we learned that Demi Moore was starring in the movie they were shooting. Excited, we eagerly lined up to be extras.

Demi wasn’t much older than us. St. Elmo’s Fire and No Small Affair had come out that year, and she seemed effortlessly cool. I can’t recall the movie’s name, only that we stood under the scorching summer sun as part of a graduation scene, tossing caps into the air. Later, over tequila shots, we decided it wasn’t worth it.

I hadn’t thought of that summer in years until I saw Demi Moore accepting a Golden Globe award for best female actor. Her speech was raw, heartfelt, and deeply inspiring.

I’m just in shock right now. I’ve been doing this a long time, like over 45 years, and this is the first time I’ve ever won anything as an actor, and I’m just so humbled and so grateful,” Moore said. “Thirty years ago, I had a producer tell me that I was a ‘popcorn actress.’ And at that time, I made that to mean that this wasn’t something that I was allowed to have—that I could do movies that were successful, that made a lot of money, but that I couldn’t be acknowledged. And I bought in, and I believed that.

Demi also shared that she listened to her intuition at a moment in her life when she was ready to walk away. “The universe told me you’re not done.” So she took the role that would earn her a first stellar award.

My ears are always attuned to stories of overcoming the shame and fear of not-good-enough. So what she said next went right to the core of the human experience. Who hasn’t been put in a small box at some point in life? Or worked so hard and felt unseen? Felt like a fraud?

And I’ll just leave you with one thing,” Demi went on to say, “that I think this movie is imparting. In those moments when we don’t think we’re smart enough, we’re pretty enough, we’re skinny enough, we’re successful enough, or basically just not enough. I had a woman say to me, ‘Just know you will never be enough, but you can know the value of your worth if you just put down the measuring stick.’ And so today, I celebrate this as a marker of my wholeness and of the love that is driving me and for the gift of doing something I love and being reminded that I do belong. Thank you so much.

Later, when asked by a reporter about what she does to manage the doubts, Demi answered: “I think it’s really about where you hold your intention and focus. We can spend our time focusing on all that we’re not, or we can be celebrating all that we are. I think it’s a subtle shift.”

These subtle shifts happen gradually over time. Rarely is there a big “aha” moment. But let’s take advantage of this moment. The turning over of a new year can feel like a good time to reset, plant seeds, and dream again. To ponder future goals and bucket lists and even find a word for the year. These are all beautiful endeavors, even if temporary.

The turning over of a new year can also be a time to go deeper, allow for integration, and practice some form of hibernation. Looking inward, not just outward. And not once, but whenever you can find stillness in your daily life. This is part of the wisdom of Demi Moore at age 62 and a lifetime of perseverance and commitment to her gifts:

I think it all goes back to how we hold ourselves. And when we value ourselves, we have enough self-love that will then reflect out in the world, and the world can follow and change to accommodate how you’re reflecting on yourself.

Setting intentions is not wishful thinking. It’s being open and envisioning the feeling tone or state you desire: joy, peace, love, equanimity, freedom, serenity, and so on. These are heart qualities. 💖 Intentions don’t take a lot of time to set. They are little practices done daily—30 seconds here, five minutes there. Even when things are hard and there is chaos, mini-practices of intention and attention with a dose of self-love lead to the emergence of your inner worth.

Can you find a few moments every day—not just when the calendar year changes—to set an intention? And if that feels difficult, ask yourself:

🌟 What in me wants to come forward?

🌟 What quality is waiting to emerge?

Name it. See it. Breathe it.

P.S. Ever had a ‘popcorn actress’ moment? My new book The Perfectionist’s Dilemma: Learn the Art of Self-Compassion and Become a Happy Achiever may be just for you!