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Tara Cousineau, PhD

Clinical Psychologist, Kindness Warrior

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Humanity

When Joy Arises Savor It

November 27, 2019 by Tara Cousineau Leave a Comment

It’s all too easy to feel overcome with suffering. It may be your own. It may be the headlines of the day’s news. It may be the weight of helplessness seeing homeless people, as I feel every time I ascend from the bowels of the Red Line to the cobblestones of Harvard Square. One recent brisk morning, I turned the corner when one woman’s grin had caught my eye. She is a regular street dweller and has staked her 2×4 foot patch of sidewalk by the CVS with a cardboard sign, Got Empathy. Her bundles of belongings are expertly wrapped as if they could fill Santa’s sleigh.

The cool light was misty and one could see the frothy trails of breath of the passersby. The woman held a bag of pretzels. A hundred pigeons flocked and flapped about her as she laughed and twirled about. “Be patient!” she scoffed. I caught her eye and laughed with her, my meager offering. Yet, I felt her delight. It stayed with me all day.

Don’t Hesitate

Mary Oliver’s poem, Don’t Hesitate, comes to mind. It’s a salve for the caring heart and a reminder to bask in appreciation and joy whenever it arises.

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy, don’t hesitate. Give into it. There are plenty of lives and whole towns destroyed or about to be. We are not wise, and not very often kind. And much can never be redeemed. Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this is its way of fighting back, that sometimes something happens better than all the riches or power in the world. It could be anything, but very likely you notice it in the instant when love begins. Anyway that’s often the case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Mary Oliver

Sometimes we simply need to pay attention to the good in the world.

Sometimes we need tangible reminders. Check out The Little Deck of Kindfulness.


Photo by Tina Karina

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash


Filed Under: Compassion, Courage, Empathy, Inspirations Tagged With: bekind, empathy, givethanks, Humanity, Joy, kindness, love, Thanksgiving

Love & Resist: Anniversary of Women’s March

January 21, 2018 by Tara Cousineau Leave a Comment

As we come upon the anniversary of the game changing Women’s March, I am in awe of what transpired over the last year. The most curious thing of all is what I found so despicable about our elected leader of the free world was, in fact, a very odd blessing. Light was cast on the dark shadows lurking around for so long. Not all my friends might agree with me or hold similar views, but it’s quite hard to ignore what happened over the year. #MeToo, #TimesUp, and Oprah’s amazing speech at the Golden Globes.

The times they are a-changin’.

One year ago my husband and I marched in Boston. It was nothing short of transformative. First, that my man went with me (he got into designing posters and he even gave one away to a mother and her kid on the subway so she’d have something). Second, that we became part of a peaceful tribe 175,000 strong, forming a “radical kinship” as Father Greg Boyle likes to say. Third, that we took tons of selfies together and sent them to our daughters—not only so they can confirm how their “awkward” parents are, but to see their core values in action (and what a good guy is all about).

I still have our posters in the family room and will dust them off this weekend. I didn’t get my hand-knitted pussy hat in time for last year’s march, but that hat has not seen the dust. I still wear it—and I will as long as it’s cold outside and this president is in office.

It’s not a time to be complacent. It’s a time to address the dark side with a legion of light workers. It’s not a comfortable time and nor should it be. We need to feel irritated enough to take action. The other day I was clearing my office and out of a book fell a prayer card my mother had given one of my girls: Joan of Ark. How apt!  The Novena begins: “Glorious St. Joan of Arc, filled with compassion for those who invoke you, with love for those who suffer, heavily laden with the weight of my troubles I kneel at your feet and humbly beg you to take my present need under your special protection.” The image on the front is of the armoured French girl of the 1400s, a spiritual warrior across the ages, holding her flag and sounding the call for compassion, social justice and new leadership. I believe Joan of Arc is at our sides protecting us and emboldening us right now, but mostly we have each other. Saints, angels, whistle blowers, courageous women and men… and those contrarian naysayers, too. We all belong. And we all need to evolve humanity. We can do better.

Be a kindness warrior.

My protest sign last year was on kindness. It’s been my calling and so I’ve been studying it, collecting science and story. The basis for my upcoming book has been the view that kindness is strong, not weak. It is courageous, not cowardly. It is heartful, not heartless. It’s not about being nice, agreeable, or virtuous. It’s about understanding, having boundaries, and taking reasonable action. It’s moving from empathic distress to motivational empathy. Taking a kind stance doesn’t mean giving in. One of the protest slogans seen all over the world last year was: “Feel the Rage, Be the Love.” These six small words perfectly capture both the challenge and the solution when facing difficult persons, places, or things. The meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg asks, “Why can’t we both love and resist at the same time?” This is a perfect question for our life and our times, and it forms the basis for reimagining kindness.

We all have something to stand for. For me it’s giving kindness the gravitas it deserves in the landscape of humanity. After all, we can’t survive without it. I invite you to join me. How are you going to rock your world with kindness?  

Get a FREE Rock Your World with Kindness Guide (PDF). 

 

 

Filed Under: Compassion, Courage, friendships, Inspirations, Kindness, Promises to Myself, Rants & Raves, Role Models Tagged With: compassion, Humanity, justice, kind, kindness, kinship, leadership, love, resist, warrior, Women's March

After The Storm A Kinder Tomorrow

September 20, 2017 by Tara Cousineau Leave a Comment


I really can’t complain that my Leo has that wet dog smell. In fact, I’ve been happy for some rain up here in New England. Even a bit guilty. Watching the news about one weather calamity after another evokes in me both awe and fear. The aerials are eerily compelling. Almost hypnotic.

Hearing the name of the next storm is like learning the roll call of a kindergarten class… in the 1920s. Harvey, Irma, Maria. It makes the storms feel somehow personal, like the friend you just made on the first day of school and who turned out to be a bully. And maybe if you mustered the courage to stand up to him, he’d just go away.  That is until you see trees eviscerated, roofs blown off, and people suffering. These are no schoolyard antics.

Weather scientists have predicted between 11 and 17 storms this hurricane season for the Atlantic.  In an article on LifeScience.com it seems we should brace ourselves, “As of September 18, the Atlantic has experienced 13 named storms (Arlene, Bret, Cindy, Don, Emily, Franklin, Gert, Harvey, Irma, Jose, Katia, Lee and Maria), way above the total typically seen over six months, according to National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association [NOAA]. Already, seven of those storms have been hurricanes, exceeding the seasonal outlook’s forecast.”  Of course, there are another 13 letters in the alphabet and I wondered what names they’ve come up with.  (In a search the next up are Nate, Ophelia, Philippe, Rina, Sean, Tammy, Vince and Whitney).  Apparently, at one point in history tropical storms only had female names as if the the wrath of nature must be feminine. The weather people have evened out the playing field. I confess, the naming convention has a bonding effect. A sense of common humanity. A befriending of those in the wake of the storm.  I hope this anthropomorphizing of the elements is good for relief efforts.

I cant’ remember Nor’easters having names, those nasty ice storms more typical of where I live. Every year I say, “It’s time to move south.”  And then…. “No, it’s not!”  It wasn’t long ago that 8 feet of snow trumpled us in a matter of a few days, creating icicle dams, and cracking open our roof.  In the aftermath there was terrific snow for sledding and snowboarding. Kids toppled out to frolic. There was a whole week of snow days off from school. A 5-year old girl was struck dead by a heaving branch in her backyard.

Every region seems to have forces of nature that seem beyond comprehension. Earthquakes, fires, mudslides, tornados, tsunamis, pestilence.  As I write I see news of a second devastating earthquake in Mexico in just two weeks.

It is as if Mother Earth is in a constant state of heartbreak somewhere. She is. We are.

Just today I heard the haunting song Tomorrow Will Be Kinder, which was inspired by a tornado.

Today I’ve cried a many tear
And pain is in my heart
Around me lies a somber scene
I don’t know where to start
But I feel warmth on my skin
The stars have all aligned
The wind has blown, but now I know
That tomorrow will be kinder”

Yes, I thought: Hope is an aspect of kindness, a faith that brings us together and carries us forward. And the question remains: where in the world do we start?

Anywhere we can be of service is where. And that may be right where you are.

 

Resources

Make plan for hurricanes using a simple guide at Ready.gov.

What’s the difference between a hurricane, cyclone or typhoon?

Learn what to do before, during and after an earthquake using a simple guide at Ready.gov.

Tomorrow Will Be Kinder by  the Secret Sisters

 

Current Natural Disasters: Help out 

American Red Cross Hurricane Harvey Relief Fund

American Red Cross Hurricane Irma Relief Fund

CruzRoja Mexicana Earthquake Relief Fund

Unicef Mexico Child Victim’s Relief Fund

 

Latest News from the American Red Cross

Stay informed on the latest Red Cross efforts HERE.

Image credits:

Daiga Ellaby

NOAA

Filed Under: Compassion, Inspirations, Kindness Tagged With: American Red Cross, compassion, Current Natural Disasters Relief, Donate, Earthquake in Mexico, Humanity, Hurricane Harvey Relief, Hurricane Irma Relief, kindness

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